8 weeks.

Lack of bloat photo coming soon...

How far along? 8 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: - 2. Eating is not working so well lately.
Maternity clothes? Still only wearing lounge pants. The mat shirt looked ridiculous on me.
Stretch marks? No.
Sleep: Getting lame. I wake up a lot, and last week I officially began getting up to pee in the middle of the night.
Best moment this week: Seeing the little smudge on the screen! (smudge is the new nickname, thanks to my auntie Mitzi)
Movement: Nope.
Food cravings: None, really. I've been feeling pretty sick lately, so nothing sounds good.
Gender: I'm still wishing girl but thinking boy.
Labor Signs: Nada.
Belly Button in or out? Innie.
What I miss: I still miss feeling normal. This week has been rough.
What I am looking forward to: Hospital tour on Saturday.
Weekly Wisdom: None, really. I wish I had some regarding a miracle cure for feeling shitty.
Milestones: Seeing and hearing the heartbeat!

The weekend.

Well, I had pretty much 2.5 days of no computer while I was home visiting my grandma and family...so that is why I've had a lack of updates.

Grandma is not doing well, but she's still talking and bossing people like she is. I kept it together while I was in her hospital room, but promptly lost it once I was clear. There were so many people in the room that I couldn't just spend time with her and tell her how much I love her. I'm planning on writing her a letter in the next couple of days just so I can fully express everything to her before she's gone.

I did tear up a bit when we were saying goodbye - the hubs leaned in to give her a kiss and she just said - "YOU TAKE CARE OF HER! I MEAN IT!" in her usual bossy voice, but she really did mean it. And that's what got me started with the tears.

Anyway, it was my first real experience of being out with people when everyone knew I was pregnant. I have learned that I don't like being the center of attention. Every time people would talk about "the baby" it would just make me incredibly uncomfortable. I'm not quite sure why...I think it really is because it is still early. Everyone is so excited and happy and feeling like the baby is going to change the luck in our family...and I keep thinking - I still have a month before I can let myself really be happy. That sucks.

I also had my first real case of the crabbies. I was so effing crabby Saturday night (I think it was lack of sleep and all the baby talk at dinner) that I nearly killed someone. Also, being sober around a bunch of drunk family members may have had an impact. Regardless, I was so farking tired by the time we got home I was nearly in tears. And I slept for a long, long time.

Back away from Etsy...

I bought two baby blankets yesterday on Etsy.

TWO.

Good god. This is going to be a long and expensive 9 months. :)

Here they are - each link to the store I bought them from.

Oh happy day!

We started today out with sleeping in a little late, and then heading to the clinic to see the babe. It was not without a scare, but what in my life is?

The u/s tech got me started with the tummy kind, and I was already thinking I was getting the dildocam. So...she starts looking around and then says "How far along do you think you are?" And I'm all "about 7 weeks, though my LMP would have me around 8."

So jerkface says "Oh, you're much much earlier than that. Maybe 5 or 6 weeks AT THE MOST. We'll have to use the internal."

Insert expressionless emotion here.

I was like...."uh, NO. I'm 7 weeks. I know when I ovulated." Then I started to panic and began asking all sorts of questions that she returned with only a confused look and said "We'll know what we have when we see it, mmmkay?"

Insert pissed off emoticon here.

So the hubs is just sitting there all sorts of uncomfortable as the tech lubes up the dildocam and tells me to "insert it into my vagina" (ha) and she begins to measure my ovaries. Uhm, thanks - could you just get to the baby please?

And then, there it was. The babe. And the heartbeat, flickering on the screen. I'm pretty sure I released an audible gasp, and my eyes welled up with tears.

The little bee was measuring 7 weeks, and it's heart was beating away at 143 bpm. Then she focused in on the heart and we got to actually hear it.

It was insane. The fact that my body is supporting two heartbeats completely blows my mind.

She was nothing but kind after this point. (She even gave me the "you were right" response I was looking for. I'm kind of an ass.) Everything looked perfect!

No, that's not a peanut, it's a baby.

And to top it off, I feel pretty decent today. Like night and day from yesterday. Seabands are back to being my friend.

Notes from a Wednesday.

1.) Fuck nausea. I've had it with this already. I know that I am supremely lucky to not actually be vomiting, but damn, this sucks.

The SeaBands are not doing the trick anymore. So, I am trying Meclizine, which is basically Dramamine. I do feel slightly better, and feel if I took one more (which is fine since you can take up to two in a day) I'd be feeling stellar - but they cause drowsiness. I am tired already due to growing another human. Now I'm a little more tired due to a sleepy medication. To take one more would be like saying "It's totally cool to pass out at your computer at work. Just rest your head on the spacebar and all will be well." Zzzzzz...

2.) We've suddenly scheduled a trip back home to see my grandmother this weekend. If you read my other blog, you'd know she's not doing well. She's been in the hospital since Monday, due to nausea and pain associated with her cancer. My aunt and uncle and a cousin are all flying home to be with her this weekend. It just seems like the right thing to do. What sucks is that I know she knows what this means. We just went through these same motions less than a year ago with my aunt. When everyone rushes home, it's not good.

On Monday I gave my mom the go-ahead to tell my grandma the good news about the baby. I was so worried about her passing before I could tell her - I just wanted her to know. I plan on bringing her a picture of her great-grandbaby when I come home. Maybe it'll help her pull through.

3.) The super sensitive sniffer is now in full force. I can smell BO in my workroom suddenly. This guy never stunk before, and now...VOMIT CITY.

4.) The BO smell and my nausea are causing me to forget that our first u/s is tomorrow! I need to focus on that.

First "official" appointment.

I've got a knack for being in the lady toilet when they call me in the waiting room. The two times I've gone to this clinic and left a urine sample they've called me mid-stream. Perfect timing.

In any case, my first official appointment went well. The nurse was really nice, and we went through all the questions, blood work and bs-ing you can do. I officially chose MIDWIFE, and set up my next appointment (after my u/s on Thursday) for April 10th, where we'll get to hear the baby's heartbeat.

I'll get results in the mail from this appointment, and if anything is weird, they'll call to let me know.

Now, bring on Thursday!!!

7 weeks.

Again with the bloat. And this was after a deuce. Insane.

How far along? 7 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: According to the doc yesterday, +1.
Maternity clothes? They arrived! I'm only wearing the maternity lounge pants from Target now though.
Stretch marks? No.
Sleep: Still okay. Boobs make it kind of hard to get comfortable. And stomach doesn't usually like it when I shift from one side to the other. Back sleeping has ruled.
Best moment this week: Getting the all clear from the yeast infection!
Movement: Nope.
Food cravings: Chinese food (fried rice, mostly), bananas.
Gender: I'm still wishing girl but thinking boy.
Labor Signs: Nada.
Belly Button in or out? Innie.
What I miss: Feeling normal. Hot, hot baths.
What I am looking forward to: Thursday! First ultrasound!!
Weekly Wisdom: People are none the wiser with seltzer and a lemon at the bars.
Milestones: Deciding on going Midwife!

I think I'm going midwife.

Well, I had my follow up appointment this morning regarding the land of yeast - and I passed with flying colors!

The Midwife I had today was John. I will admit, I was a little leery about having a man take a gander at my junk. It's been years since I had a male OB. However, I loved him. He was so kind and thorough - and just an overall wonderful person! I'm now convinced that I want to go the route of a midwife and not an OB. :)

Here's the TMI part. You may choose to not read if you don't want to read about cervixes and endometrial cells. Skip down to the stars below if you're grossed out.

He basically said that I have a lot more endometrial cells on the outer edge of my cervix. Those cells are flimsier and tend to bleed more easily. So, he said he assumes that all it took was that applicator hitting it and blammo - lots of spotting. He also said that explains why I tend to spot after sex. And the icing on the cake - he said my cervix is tilted. I guess most people's sit at about 10 o clock when lying down, but mine is more like 12 o clock. But he did the recheck and all my yeast cells are gone. He said my pH is a little less acidic than they'd like, so I may be prone to more infections in the future, but for now everything is good.

*****
So, needless to say I learned more from him in 15 minutes than I have in the past 15 years about my body.

I also chatted with him about spilling the beans. We discussed my LMP vs my real due date, and "to get the date correct" he suggested an ultrasound. So, Thursday morning we can actually see the little bee! SO EXCITED. After I get confirmation at that appointment, we're going to start telling people. He warned that you're really not fully in the clear until about 10-12 weeks, but I'm willing to take the chance. (He said that I'm definitely on the lower end of the risk scale for miscarriage.)

So, that's that! My appointment tomorrow is all about blood work and peeing in cups and talking about histories.

I cannot wait until Thursday!

About to have my seltzer in a highball.

We're about to go out for a friend's birthday. Only my second "night on the town" since the BFP. I'm tired, bloated, and totally fine with staying home. But, alas, we shall go out. I don't know how long I'll last, but I'm giving it my all.

"I'll have a seltzer in a highball with a lemon, please. Hold the vodka."

No spotting today. Seems the culprit may have indeed been the dreaded treatment. We'll see what tomorrow holds.

Seabands are still holding strong.

All seems well in the land of baby bee.

We'll find out Monday...

...what the deal is with my spotting.

Well, here I am a week after starting the treatment (which I am now finished with) and I'm still spotting. No cramping, but it's a little concerning.

The nurse I spoke to today seemed a little concerned as well and agreed I needed some peace of mind. She wanted me to take the weekend to see if the spotting cleared on it's own now that the treatment is finished.

So, Monday morning I'm going in to have them check my cervix and see if I possibly have a bacterial infection or if something else is going on. If there's no infection present, she said I may get an ultrasound to check everything out, make sure there's no other issues.

My reminder for the day.

Just because I've been focusing so much on the "10%-20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage" statistic...I'm turning it around.

80%-90% of all pregnancies result in a baby!

(I like thinking of those odds much much better.)

Dear SeaBands...

If I wasn't already married and bearing my husband's child - I'd totally do all of that with you.

You're the greatest.

Love,
jennabee

That dreaded feeling again.

Although I am still firmly planted on the schooner of seasickness, I once again have that nagging feeling like something's awry in babyland. I think this is mostly centered around wanting to tell people REALLY BADLY and also knowing that I more than likely will not be getting any sort of visible or audible confirmation that things are peachy for maybe a few more weeks.

Having minor bleeding occasionally isn't helping much, although the MW and nurse at my clinic insist that it's normal with a yeast infection. I'm just wondering how I'm going to handle being that close to an ultrasound machine and not get the confirmation I so desperately want at my appointment on Tuesday.

The hubs isn't coming with me either, which sucks. He's getting a crown put on later that afternoon and apparently can't afford to lose the time off. He says he'll come to future appointments, but I'm kind of sad now. I already feel like crying because of it. I'm scared I'm going to get bad news that day and then he won't be there to console me.

Go away bad thoughts, go away...

6 Weeks.

Hello bloat baby!
(and yes, that would be a cat's ass walking through the photo. Internets, meet BooBoo.)

How far along? 6 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: +1lb from last week
Maternity clothes? I bought some. A shirt & dress from OldNavy, and some comfy pants from Target.
Stretch marks? No.
Sleep: I've suddenly started to prefer sleeping on my back, vs on my left side which was customary before the BFP. This is just strange to me. Although, I do wake up on my side occasionally.
Best moment this week: Not having a bladder infection. Worst? Having a yeast infection.
Movement: None. Not even in the bowels.
Food cravings: Chinese food.
Gender: We've officially decided on waiting until birth for this one. And I'm thinking boy.
Labor Signs: Zip.
Belly Button in or out? Innie.
What I miss: BEER. Holy crap do I miss beer.
What I am looking forward to: Mostly being done with this "treatment." And also the 1st appt.
Weekly Wisdom: What feels like a bladder infection could very well not be. And spotting is NORMAL with a yeast infection.
Milestones: Not doing jack shit but feeling HORRIBLE on Sunday. And first visit to the new clinic.

Called the doc.

Well, I called the doctor today about the red spotting I've been having. Here's how the convo went:

Me: Hello - would it be possible to speak to a nurse?
Receptionist: Yes, what is this concerning?
Me: I had some spotting this weekend that was bright red, I have a yeast infection and I'm just about 6 weeks along.
Receptionist: You know, we have nurses on call during the weekend. You should have called yesterday if you've been bleeding.
Me: (panicking) Uh, well, it's really just been spotting, I haven't been bleeding.
Receptionist: Yes, but you should and can call on the weekends for this sort of thing. Let me transfer you to a nurse.
Me: (totally panicking)

Nurse: Hello! What can I do for you?
Me: (reiterates what happened over the weekend)
Nurse: Oh, that sounds pretty typical - you can get pretty irritated with a yeast infection. I'm sure it's fine, but I'll check with a doctor and call you back later just to be safe.
Me: (finally breathing) Thank you.

(She called back to say the MW agreed, but to call if I'm still spotting after the prescription is gone.)

So, sounds like everything is okay, although I'm having to wear a damn pad because of this prescription "cream."

Work is fine today. I told a female coworker that works in my little "room" that I'm in. It was weird. She congratulated me, but actually saying out loud "I'm pregnant" is the weirdest of all time. I let her know since I feel like ass most days and that I felt like she needed to know since she's managing the project I've been working on.

First appointment - one week from tomorrow. I finally canceled the appointment with my old NP. I felt bad. :) But aside from having to wait until FOREVER to be seen last Friday, my first experience at the new clinic was good. Not to mention it was like, a 10 minute straight shot from my house, and is also right next to the hospital I'll be delivering at.

Also - items I purchased at OldNavy.com this weekend.