Today is the beginning of the end...

...of my maternity leave.

Tomorrow, I go back to work.

Abby has been extra smiley today, which helps and hurts at the same time. She even gave me her first REAL GIGGLE! I tried so hard to get her to do it again but no. She's also mastering squishing things between her fists to "pick them up."

How do I feel about going back to the land of adult conversation? I'm actually really excited to go back. I can't wait to get my mushy brain back to working order, to wear real clothes and makeup everyday. To eat and pee and use a computer* without interruption.

But not being able to pick up and snuggle my little girl whenever I want breaks my heart. I know she's going to start doing a lot more in the coming weeks and I can't even think about missing her firsts.

Josh and I are in a position with his job where, if I REALLY REALLY wanted to, I could stay home. But when it really comes down to it...I don't want to. I like my job. I like my career. I like making my own money.  I am so thankful that between my job and Josh's, we really only need 3 days of childcare, and his parents are able to take care of her for those three days. It's a really hard decision, but I know it's the best.

Next up - the gallbladder. The u/s came back normal, lab tests normal. Next the doc wants me to do what's called a HIDA scan to see if maybe my gallbladder just isn't working. Needless to say, Vincent isn't coming out any time soon.

And the hair loss. I'm going to take a few deep breaths and write the current hair loss up to post-pregnancy hormones, but if I am still losing this much in a couple months (if there's anything left to lose by then) I'm going to talk to my doc. I guess the time between 3-4 months PP results in the most hair loss. Until then I will gulp back the tears as I clear out my tub drain.

*This post was interrupted by a whiny baby who apparently needed a burp, because she spit up all over herself and her bouncy chair. Cleanup of both baby and chair was followed by an awesome Abby nap  in the glider. Messy dining room and dirty dishes can wait when Abby falls asleep on Momma. Especially on her last day before going...back...to...work.....WAH!

The 2 month check and a new skill.

Yesterday Abby had her 2 month checkup appointment, complete with shots.

Her new stats are 11 lbs 3ozs, and 24 inches tall. That's TWO FEET TALL, people. Where does she get her towering height from? Certainly not her parents. Maybe my dad's genes skipped a generation and she'll be 6'2".

Her shots went as well as could be expected. I felt horrible hearing her scream only to know she had 2 more to endure. But she survived, and so did I. And then she slept ALL DAY. Thus...last night didn't go so well. She didn't want to go to bed, and when she fell asleep she woke up at midnight, 4am, 6:30am, and that was that. We were up for the day. So now I'm doing my best to try to keep her stimulated and entertained so she sleeps tonight. Momma's tired.

In my attempts to keep her awake - she's learned a new trick.

She figured out how to bring the rattle up to her mouth AND CHEW ON IT. ISN'T THAT EFFING AWESOME?!  This kid - she's got talent. 

You were not missed. And...STTN!!

It was not a surprise when I woke up this morning to the arrival of that bitch Aunt Flo. I've been having cramps on and off since Friday.  However, prior to getting pregnant, I never got pre-period cramps, only one day of HOLY HELL MY REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS ARE GOING TO FALL OUT kind of cramps.

Being pregnant sucked. You all know how crappy it ended up for me.

I long for those days now.

John the Midwife says my Mirena IUD should eventually take care of my cramps and make my monthly visitor lighter and less painful.  He also warned me that this first post partum period is going to totally suck. I'm fastening my seat belt as we speak.

No, not that belt. Extra points if you know what that is.

I should also mention here what STTN means for those not in the know. That stands for SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT. Also, this took place in HER CRIB, not in our room.

Excuse me while I pause to do an effin happy jig.

We had her video monitor hooked up to our TV so all we had to do was open our eyes to see her. She did a lot of waking and squirming, but after a couple minutes would fall back asleep. From 11pm till 6:30 she slept. I woke up a lot, but got so much more sleep than when she's in our room.

One problem was that she basically had icicles on her ears and hands. Our house is a quaint, drafty home built in 1932. Even with the heat set at 72 degrees it was still chilly willy. So, tonight we'll attempt it again, but hopefully will keep her warmer.

Oooooo, you are SO GROUNDED.

I'm writing this post from my hospital bed, hoping for word that I'll be sent home soon...like this afternoon, maybe.

Long story short -

Yesterday I went to my appointment and received my weekly internal...and for the first time - was dilated. The MW I saw figured me to be a "stretchy 4cm" and off to Labor & Delivery I went.

They strapped me to a monitor and IV and I had to stay the night. The hubs was with me the whole time...even went home to get the laptop, camera (just in case) and a few other items.And slept in the poorest excuse for a bed I've ever seen. (Not that mine was any better!)

I was rechecked this morning. It was the most PAINFUL internal I've ever had (did he have the Freddy Krueger glove on or something?) but he determined I'm really more like 3cm, but no change really since the night before.

John the midwife seems to think that I should be able to go home this afternoon (although original plan was another night of observations). I told him that in all honesty, I felt no different prior to this appointment...and I had been SUPER active this past week, what with the hubs being laid up and all. He knows that I know my body, and when the contractions start being more real and less like they have been the past nearly 20 weeks. We live a mere 10 minutes from the hospital, so if labor truly begins, we're not that far away.

I am so glad I do not have an outside baby yet. I never lost my shit last night, but while sitting in the tub trying to relax while the hubs was getting some things from home...I suddenly felt like a 15 year old - wondering how I thought I was ready for this, that this couldn't be happening...what had I gotten myself into. But I pulled myself together and reminded myself that this wasn't happening yet. And it isn't...THANK GOD.

Mental note. PACK EFFING HOSPITAL BAG.

The rings are off, and so is the watch.

Swelling, party of 1.

Last week, my beloved Storm watch had to come off. It's got a metal band and could not be adjusted to work with my expanding wrists, so...I bought a new one and had the band set with room to expand. Here it is!


All last week and this past weekend my rings have been tight and uncomfortable, but I was dealing because I just didn't want them off yet. This morning at 5am, I woke up to actual pain in my ring finger...so I soaked my hands in super cold water and applied liberal soap, and FINALLY got them off. Needless to say, I don't think I'll be able to get them back on again for a while. Hopefully they WILL fit again someday.

I ordered a fake set to wear temporarily. It looks like this:


It was only $25...so we'll see how it works out. I had to order it a half size bigger than what my ring finger currently is (thanks so whole sizes only) so who knows if it'll fit. If it's big right away, I'm sure after a few weeks, it'll fit just fine.

Also - in test results news - the lab tech that told me my iron was low and to take supplements was kind of wrong. Apparently my number was 10.8, and they like it to be around 11 or higher when you're pregnant (since you have more blood volume, which tends to dilute your iron levels). The nurse I spoke to today said supplements weren't really necessary, that I could try to add iron in my diet and that should be enough. THANK GOD. I hear those iron pills do a real disservice to an already slowed digestive system. :)

Unexpected benefits of losing a kitty.

Ladies (and gentlemen? There's gotta be at least one male reader, right?) - I actually slept through the night last night.

Holy crap.

Granted, I did wake up a couple times, but fell right back asleep. The most important part is that I did not get up ONCE - not even to pee. It's a miracle.

Sadly, I think it can be attributed to the fact that Miles is now in kitty heaven, and not knocking shit down every 2 hours because he's hungry or bored or just wants to be an ass.

And thus, the story. If you cry easily or just lost a pet or just don't feel like being depressed, I wouldn't bother reading the rest of this post. But it feels good to get it out there, so...here it is.

I'll start by saying the hubs is like, my effing hero. He was so strong for me when I couldn't be.

When I got home from work, the hubs had Miles outside in the front and I walked up from the train and just lost it. He felt so bad...but it wasn't even just seeing Miles, I'd been holding it in all day. To make matters worse, Miles was seemingly fine when I got home. I mean, I knew he'd get cruddy again at some point, but he was having a good moment of no snot or sneezing or anything. Then I started having second thoughts and was feeling so guilty for even considering putting him down, but the hubs kept reminding me that he WAS really sick.

We got there and they put us in this "Grieving room" that was like, a nicer, private waiting room. Our vet came in to put a catheter in his arm and reassured me that I was making the right decision. Hearing a medical professional say it made me feel better too. So, she came back with him and discussed what they were going to do, and we decided to have him cremated. Then she said she was just going to do it in that room, and I was like - "I can't. I can't be here and watch it. I feel guilty and horrible enough as it is to have just agreed to let you put him down." The hubs said he would stay because he didn't want him to die without at least one of us. So, I started saying goodbye to him and was about to leave the room but started bawling so I had to stick around for a few more seconds while I got my shit together. Suddenly Miles had this HUGE fit of sneezing and the worst snot I've ever seen come out of his little skull. It made me laugh for some reason, because even though it was horrible, it was EXACTLY what I needed to see in order to be okay with what was about to happen. I tried to wipe his nose, but our vet said she'd take care of it so I could get myself back in line so I could leave and walk through the regular waiting room. Like it mattered, I had myself together when I left the room and as soon as my foot entered the normal waiting area I just lost it. (I had to carry his effing empty carrier out to the car with a bunch of strangers and their pets looking at me - THE WORST.) So I went to the car and hyperventilate-cried for about 8 minutes until the hubs came out and it was over. He was SO upset, but it made me feel better that I wasn't a freak for being so heartbroken. The hubs said that Miles was pretty chill, they gave him the sedative so he just kind of laid down and went to sleep, and the hubs was telling him we loved him, and then the vet said "he's gone" and the hubs didn't even notice that he'd stopped breathing. So...pretty peaceful.

**big sigh**

It's weird being in a one cat household. Boo is certainly soaking up the attention we're giving him. We both feel guilty at the same time, like Miles is somehow seeing the attention we're showering on Boo and getting jealous or something (we were always VERY equal in our attention and love we showed to the boys when they were in the same room).

Each day will get better, but I expect it to suck for a few weeks. I started crying again in the shower this morning...but shower cries are better than the "at my desk" cries I was having on Monday and Tuesday.

I'm really REALLY looking forward to heading to my parents house this weekend. Getting away will help, I think.

Apparently prenatal = bikram.

Okay, maybe not really, but it honestly felt like it.

In all seriousness though, I REALLY enjoyed my yoga class last night. It was pretty crowded (thanks to the holiday weekend) and thus got to be about eleventy billion degrees in the room, but it felt awesome. Probably mostly due to the fact that I haven't "exercised" for a long, long time. I was pretty flexible (thanks pregnancy!) but my balance sucked and my muscles weren't ready. And I think all the movement pretty much lulled the ninja to sleep.

I commented to the hubs that after I was done with class, I almost felt as if I'd just gotten a massage. I was so relaxed, and my muscles felt really good!

Needless to say, I bought a 5-class pass and have signed up for the next 4 weeks - every Wednesday night. Time to buy maternity yoga clothes, and maybe my own mat.

Dearest Braxton Hicks,

I wasn't expecting you so soon! It was a bit of a surprise to me yesterday as the hubs and I were driving to see "Up" that suddenly it felt like my pants were digging into my uterus. But alas, it was just you. And you scared the hell outta me.

I silently was thinking "I'm having contractions" and thought about saying it aloud, but didn't want to alarm the hubs. It was only you, and for the most part, you are relatively harmless. (Albeit annoying.)

You continued to visit me throughout the movie, and the drive home. I learned after pulling out the trusty "What to Expect When You're Expecting" that you can be triggered by dehydration. Guilty. I knew I was dehydrated when I woke up, yet I didn't properly rehydrate, instead I downed movie theater popcorn and a cherry coke like they were going out of style. This decision only added to my dehydration, and by the time I got to the car, I had chugged two bottles of water to try to redeem myself.

I was better last night. Today, you came back. Uninvited-again.

The nurse has informed me that I must drink 65 ounces of water a day to stay properly hydrated. Needless to say I have been not doing that. AT ALL. So today, I hope, is your last day of visit, Braxton Hicks, my friend. Nothing personal.

Signed,
jennabee

I posted too soon.

I think we had another milestone this morning.

As I was procrastinating getting out of bed this morning after the hubs left for work, I had my hand on my stomach. And I felt a couple kicks from the outside.

::squeals::

It was pretty cool.

And right now, I think the wee one is enjoying the sausage biscuit/magic coke combo - I've gotten a couple kicks that made me jump they were so hard. I'm really trying hard not to put my hand on my stomach at work to feel them, but I don't want to look like a lunatic.

OMG. OMG.

Muscle twitch or kick?!

I just felt something, three times in my lower abdomen.

AHHH. I can't tell. DAMMIT.

Another first.

This is so disgusting, I had to post it. Someone has to find humor in my agony.

Pregnant ladies have gas. BAD GAS. This is no secret.

I'm sitting on the couch, watching the Twins while the hubs washes some dishes, and let out a fart.

It's not an SBD. (Silent but deadly.) There's an audible noise.

But it is deadly. And I suddenly want to vomit.

My own flatulence has caused me to dry heave.

And...scene.

Another "first."

Roughly 5 minutes ago, I experienced the beginnings of one of my first unprovoked "hot flashes" of pregnancy. It sounds like they usually come on in the second trimester, but I'm working through one right now. I've had a few hot flashes earlier, but most were during exercise or activity. Fun!

I also contacted our insurance and verified that they do cover the first trimester screening, so I called my clinic and began the process of setting one up. I'm already nervous. Typical. I'm sure everything is fine though. It'll get set up anytime between tomorrow and May 5th (hopefully on a Friday so the hubs can come and see smudge again).

Other than that, the Mr. just called to inform me he just purchased Guitar Hero: Metallica, so I know what we'll be doing tonight. (That and taking a belly pic!)