It's been real, 2009.

So...we've come to the infamous blog post on New Year's Eve where bloggers 'round the world spout off resolutions everyone knows they won't keep and wrap up the year. (I find it hilarious that I only blogged more because I got pregnant, and did not lose 10 pounds but instead gained 40 and then lost 30...so essentially I GAINED 10lbs. Awesome.)

Mine shall be no different.

If ever there was a year that was a rollercoaster of emotions, it was this one. The nerd in me wanted to make a line chart of my ups and downs, but that seems a little excessive.

I ended 2008 by driving to Lutsen, MN in THE WORST BLIZZARD EVAR and then skied my way into 2009. I took a girls trip to Vegas where I crippled myself in my last attempt at heels. I went to Mexico with the hubs and my parents, where I peed on a stick and found out my life was never to be the same. Not long after that, my beloved Grandmother Gabba took a turn for the worse, and in April, she passed away.  I said goodbye to a friend far, far too early. Over the summer, I bitched and moaned about being pregnant with Abby, who kicked my ass internally. I had a baby shower, and had to put my darling kitty Miles to sleep. I attempted a weekend in the north woods at 28 weeks pregnant. I turned 29, had about a million labor scares, had another baby shower, gave birth 2 weeks early to my precious daughter, born on her late Great Grandmother Gabba's birthday.  And for the past 2 months I have watched her grow to be the best baby a mother could ask for.

If ever there was a year of growing up, this was it. I can safely say that I am not the same person I was on that chair lift in Lutsen a year ago. I am so much different. I know what it's like to lose a part of your heart by losing a loved one. I also know that there is no love like the one you can have for your own child. My mother has become more of a best friend than I ever imagined, and more important to me now that I know what she went through for me. (Read: LABOR.)

I'm not totally ready to file this year away. Parts of it I'm more than happy to try to forget, but others I feel like I never should forget. However, in a little more than 12 hours, 2010 will be here whether I like it or not.

I AM excited to see what 2010 has to offer. It's no longer about me, but all about Abby. I do turn 30 next year, so that sucks, but unlike this year, I'm looking forward to closing the door on my 20s. But that's another post for another day. (Another day, in September. Start thinking of appropriate birthday gifts NOW, people.)

My resolutions? Fast and furious - Try to be healthy and be the best momma I can be. I'm pretty sure those aren't too lofty. 

So, that's a wrap. We'll see you in 2010, ladies and germs.

A snowstorm and a holiday.

Santa is coming tomorrow. As is a huge snowstorm.
So I may be absent for a while.

Or...if I'm snowbound, there may be a ridiculous number of posts.

Only time will tell.

In the meantime, happy holidays.

Thumbs Up or Not So Much: Baby Edition

This is going to be a huge post. My apologies in advance.

I'll start by saying this - I purchased a LOT of things based on recommendations from friends, internet ratings and just because it looked cool. Some things worked great - others I wonder why I ever bothered. Hopefully someone can learn from my mistakes! Without further ado:

Thumbs Up
SwaddleMe wraps - I bought one of these from BabySteals.com or something without knowing much about it, and ended up buying 3 more from Babies R Us. Abby LOVED being wrapped up tight, and it was the only way she'd sleep soundly (and still to this day!) Swaddling with a regular blanket did not work, as she'd kick or punch her way out of it. I had four, 2 fleece and 2 cotton knit. I probably could have gotten by with just one of each, but Abby doesn't spit up much so...take that as you will.

Graco Pack N Play - Anyone who's going to be traveling with the wee babe, or needs something for grandma's house - THIS is what to get. Between the bassinet feature and changing table (that folds out of the way) it's everything you need while on the road. It even has a mini diaper caddy and wipes holder.

Fisher-Price Little Lamb Swing - I know most of the baby world knows how great this thing is already, so I won't go off the deep end with compliments, but it's pretty damn great. Abby loves hers. And momma just found out the seat sits up or lays down. (I'm a slow learner apparently.)

Air Flow Sleep Positioner - I don't remember why I was inclined to buy this (probably the instilled fear of SIDS) but it is WONDERFUL. Abby rolls onto her side pretty easily - not with this product. It's adjustable, and she doesn't seem to notice. The piece of mind it offers is worth the $13 or whatever it cost.

Cloth Diapers - Yeah - I don't cloth diaper. (Tell me about how I'm destroying the environment later.) However, these things are THE BEST burp cloths. Don't bother with the cutesy burp cloths sold by Gerber - they're too thin and Abby ends up getting soaked unless we double them up. Cloth diapers are the way to go.

Aden + Anais Swaddle Wraps - These are HUGE muslin blankets great for swaddling, emergency crib  sheet, etc etc. A good lightweight blanket for summertime as well. Also - BUY THEM FROM TARGET - they're about $15 cheaper than if you buy them anywhere else. Don't ask me why.

Soothe & Glow Seahorse - Again, this is all over the baby boards as being awesome so I won't bother going into it. Just trust me - IT WORKS.

Tiny Love Symphony in Motion Mobile - I LOVE this mobile. It's perfect with bold colors and black & white graphics. Unfortch, it's not being produced anymore, but Tiny Love has other mobiles that are just as awesome. I bought mine on craigslist. Here's where I'm not so much on this - the motor was a bit loud, so I tried to contact Tiny Love to get a replacement part. I called them 4 times, leaving messages 3 of those times, and sent two emails trying to get ahold of someone. I still have yet to get any sort of reply. So...as long as it never breaks this is an awesome mobile. :)

Bink Link Pacifier Clip - I'll admit, when I saw little Madeline (of Matt & Madeline fame) with one of these I ordered one. Like, 5 months before I even tried to get pregnant. It was just too cute. And it's also a lifesaver. Abby loves her pacifier, but also enjoys spitting out just as much. This stops it from hitting the floor. And stops me from having a nervous breakdown.

Moby Wrap - I don't use this too much yet - but the times I have made it worth the money. I'm sure I'll use it more as she gets older and when it's not eleventy billion degrees below zero.

Bassinet (courtesy of craigslist) - I wasn't going to buy one since I had planned on using the Pack N Play in our bedroom. Then, a couple months before my due date I realized there was no way in HELL that huge thing was going to fit in our room. I didn't see the sense in buying a brand new bassinet when she was only going to use it for a couple months, tops. I got mine for $30, and it was in great shape. Ours is two pieces, so you can bring the "basket portion" into the living room, leaving the base behind.

Wet Happened Bag - Such a good idea. Anytime Abby's spit up or somehow managed to piss all over her clothes while we were out and about - her clothes went into this bag, keeping everything else dry and smelling good in her diaper bag. I have the "orchid groovy" print.

Summer Handheld Video Monitor - We tried the traditional audio monitor in our house and for whatever reason got nothing but feedback. (WiFi interfering? Who knows.) We had our eye on this the whole time, and finally broke down and bought it. LOVE. We have to keep the door to her room closed since our cat loves her crib more than she does - so having an ear AND eye on her from anywhere in the house is awesome for peace of mind. It was spendy, but I got it on sale at Babies R Us and it's been worth every penny.

Burt Bees "Baby Bee" line - I received Johnson's, Mustela and Burt's Bees products as gifts...and I have to say I love the Burt's Baby Bee products the best. (Ironic name, no?) Their line is almost 100% natural and smells just as good if not better than the Johnson's line.

Munchkin Safety Bath Duck - If you're like me and enjoy a scalding hot bath, it can be kind of scary selecting a temp for your little one. This little ducky stopped me from worrying if the tub was too hot. 

And websites I purchased many an item from - Mamabargains.com and Babysteals.com

Not So Much

Halo Sleep Sacks -I have 3 of these (including a swaddling version from the hospital) and I've used one a couple times. Here's my issue (and maybe it's just a seasonal deal) - her arms are not covered while she's in this thing (the non-swaddle version). It's cold in our house at night, and this didn't keep her warm. Fine for napping, but I'm not sold.

Itzbeen Timer - I bought this because in the beginning I was having a hard time remembering when I had fed Abby. Problem is, I also had a hard time remembering to hit the button every time I did, which makes this thing pretty useless. I will say I use the light on it all the time, as I have it clipped to the bassinet. (Then I don't have to turn on my light in the middle of the night and wake up the mister.) Might be more helpful for breastfeeding mommies (helps to remind which breast you nursed from last).

Carter's Cuddle Me Safari Bouncer - I registered for this because it was cute, neutral and had a vibrating option. IT SUCKS. Her head rolls all around (despite the head positioner) and the vibration makes this thing sound like it's going to fall apart. It's SO LOUD. We had to stuff folded up paper into it to try to quiet it down and it just vibrates out and the one million decibel vibrations resume. I wish we had a chair that was quiet, because she likes it, but momma can't stand the sound. But I can't bring myself to buy a different one.

Fold Away Baby Bath - I thought this would be nice to have since it folds up so small, but it's ridiculous. I can't use it alone, she slides all over the place on the inflatable bottom. It might be better when she's older and can sit up on her own, but not now. Also, the plastic feet made the tub itself slide all over our tub. We ended up with one that looks like this (sans the froggy stuff) and it's MUCH better, I can actually give her a bath myself.

Gerber Burp Cloths - As I mentioned above, these things are adorable but need to be doubled or tripled up to prevent the formula from leaking through. 

Baby Cache "Tampa" Crib & Dresser - I only put this here because I have a complaint. The wood is REALLY soft and there's lots of dents and deep scratches in both of these already (some scratches from my kitty's claws!!) and that makes me sad for how much they were. Other than that I really like the design and build of these two...but scratches = sad.

Thumbs up or not so much: Pregnancy Edition

The list of what saved me and what I didn't need.

First Trimester
Thumbs Up:

Be Band/Bella Band was my BFF. Bloating can get out of control, and you really shouldn't buy maternity pants until you're really getting a baby belly. (I jumped the gun and bought a pair at 14 weeks and couldn't wear them by my third trimester because they were too tight.)
SeaBands really helped my morning sickness. Lucky for me, I wore them in the spring when long sleeves were still needed, because you can't really hide these things. But I didn't take them off for weeks. LIFESAVERS.
Seltzer & lime in a highball - to fool the friends and family that yes, you are still a lush and aren't pregnant.
Yoga pants - stretchy pants are SO needed for lounging around the house.

Not so much:

Again, hold off on buying maternity clothes (specifically pants) for as long as you can, because chances are what you buy now won't fit later on.

Second Trimester
Thumbs Up:

Body Pillow - I didn't bother with the Snoogle (by Boppy) because it seemed ridiculous to drop $50 on a body pillow that's really only useful while pregnant, so I bought a cheapie one available at Target - $10 for the pillow, $10 for a cover. LIFESAVER. My hips hurt so bad from sleeping, it just changed everything.
Boppy Wedge - I DID spring for the Boppy Wedge pillow. I found I could use it between my legs on nights when I wasn't feeling the body pillow, and when I got bigger, it was a nice support for my belly while on my side. (However - wedging it behind my back screwed me up BIG TIME. Be warned.)
Prenatal Yoga -  I went to a Yoga studio that specifically is meant for pre- and post-natal yoga. It was AWESOME and really helped my back pain and overall well being. Of course, I had to quit going thanks to the preterm labor business. 
Fake Wedding Rings - I outgrew mine and went without for a while (instead wearing them around my neck) but then got nervous about that and bought a fake set instead. I've been back in my real set for a few weeks now and I'm so happy - but even happier that I went through my pregnancy with SOMETHING on my ring finger.

Not so much:
Gaiam Prenatal Yoga DVD - I bought a DVD online and it's still in the packaging. Basically, just like my workout DVDs - if I don't have a real live human being in front of me going through the motions, I won't do it.



Third Trimester
Thumbs Up:

Pregnancy Massage - I only did this once, and I was SO MAD at myself for not having done it sooner. Laying on the pregnancy pillow which allows you to lay on your stomach ALONE was worth it. Well worth the money.
Bra Extenders - I ended up going from a 32C, to a 32DD, to more like a 34D at the end of my pregnancy...and a week after buying the 34D bra - THAT felt too tight. Enter the bra extenders. I wish I would have found these before I bothered buying the 34D bra...but that one WAS a no underwire, which was also quite necessary.
American Apparel Fine Jersey T Dress - I bought a couple of these in the second trimester and wore them to the end. And I am still wearing them now. They stretched to accommodate my belly and were SO COMFY. 

So, there's the list of Pregnancy needs and things not so much. I may add to this later if I think of something else!

Saturday morning randoms.

Let me start this post out by saying I woke up to a decent dusting of snow this morning. Mind you - I woke up at 10am and it was still on the ground. Now it's 10:40 - temp check? 28 degrees. Windchill of 17 degrees. ON OCTOBER 10TH. Granted I am on bedrest and don't really need to leave the house, but I never did find a coat to fit me. None of Josh's fit either. So, I'll be sporting the unbuttonable coat tomorrow at my shower...hopefully it warms up next week a little more so I'm not totally screwed. :)

As far as Labor Watch 2009 goes - I've had some changes in contractions - I've been getting some cramping in my lower abdomen now with the braxton hicks, which makes me think they're getting a little more serious. Nothing I can't deal with - they still don't really hurt...just uncomfy. C'mon little ninja - I just want to make it through this weekend!

I've got my hospital bag about 70% packed...just missing a few small, less essential items. And I actually washed baby blankets the other day, and a going home outfit! (Don't be fooled, there's still about 7 billion things left on my list of things I wanted to get done before the baby is here. And about 3 weeks less time to do it in!)

Odds and ends.

This is going to be a post of randoms, because I can't conjure up anything to make a cohesive post. ADD, party of one.

• My pelvis is going to break in two. This just started being yet another awesome 3rd Trimester feeling on Monday. I can only assume it's because I chose to take the train for the first time in a few weeks, and since it was 5 o'clock, no one felt the need to get off their lazy ass and offer an 8 months pregnant lady their seat. I then thought it'd be a good idea to stand in the kitchen and make chicken cacciatore. Then my pelvis split in half. And has been ever since. (Not familiar with the pain? You know the horrid pain of a groin pull? It's that. But ALL THE TIME. Awesome, right?)
• I got my first prenatal massage over the weekend. It was HEAVENLY. It also went by too quickly. They have this pregnancy pillow that allows the belleh to be cushioned and supported while I get to LAY ON MY STOMACH. It was the best feeling ever. Like, almost enough where I want to go out and buy my own...even if I only use it for 4 more weeks because the sensation of not having any weight on my back was EPIC.
• The hubs is still on the mend. We spent a good portion of the pre-daylight hours in the ER on Saturday morning since his kidney doc - let's refer to him as Dr. Douchebag - refused to give him enough paid meds to last the weekend. I have never seen my husband in that amount of pain EVER...and I hope to never see it again. But, the docs and nurses at the hospital (the one I'll be delivering at) were the bees knees and did everything they could to make him free of pain and determine why he was in so much pain. They'd accomplished in a little over 5 hours more than Dr. Douchebag had done in a week. Anyway - the hubs is slowly getting better and his spirits are better too, which is most important! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my dear!
• The cat has found his way into the crib. This is something I'm not pleased with, but mostly need to blame myself for. My crowning achievement of assembling the IKEA shelves for the baby's room has resulted in our jerky cat Boo-boo now having a launching pad into the crib...where before he couldn't haul his fat ass over the railing. So, I must move the shelves away from the crib, which makes me sad because I LIKE where they are now and don't WANNA put them on the other wall. I'm considering buying balloons and attempting the "balloon + cat claws = scurred cat" trick to see if that helps. 

So that's your midweek update. :) Enjoy.

Thursday musings.

I jumped the gun on Twitter/Facebook and said that I'm now 8 months pregnant. Actually, next Tuesday I'll be 8 months pregnant. But...technicalities. I feel 8 months pregnant so I'm going with it.

The past couple days I've been feeling okay. Today I feel okay too. A little crampy last night, and a little bit of an upset tummy, but I'll attribute that to lack of relaxing. (We had birthing class #2 last night.)  I'm starting to not be so paranoid, and I'm becoming more positive that I'm going to make it to the end without too much dilating, bedrest or pre-term labor. I don't know why, but I feel like that test was a fluke. Maybe I'm just being uber optimistic. Or maybe, like SC Rep Joe Wilson likes to charge - "You lie."

I met with an HR rep today who explained my leave benefits and short term disability blah blah to me. It's confusing, to say the least, but I feel like I understand it much more now. The sad part is that if I should happen to go on bedrest, my time off will come out of the 12 week FMLA business, decreasing the amount of time I would get with the babe after I deliver. I could get an extension, but it needs to be approved by my boss (which I don't think would be a problem) but it makes me sad, none the less. I'm VERY determined to work till the end...no matter when the end might be.

Tomorrow morning is my next internal. Again, very optimistic that there's been no change since Tuesday. I'll let y'all know what the results are when I have a chance.

Funny you should mention it...

Today, Ms Morgan at the818.com touched on a subject that I was contemplating writing about today as well. So, I'll follow her lead.

It's no secret that I'm a relatively "skinny" girl. I've never been overweight, never felt all that self-conscious in a bikini or tight clothes or dresses, and generally have always had a pretty decent self-image. I've also never broken 130 pounds, thanks to an awesome metabolism (that was beginning to fail me as of late). Now that I'm carrying an extra 14 pounds (and weighing more than I ever have), I'm at least happy to say I really am all belly. I still look skinny from the back, and honestly haven't really gained anywhere else on my body. I've been told that I'm a "cute pregnant girl" more than a few times, which I appreciate.

However, in the past few days, I'm really kind of starting to freak about my new body. Don't get me wrong (standard disclaimer starts now) - I understand I'm gestating a human life and that with carrying an infant comes weight gain and body changes - but dammit, I don't have to be totally okay with all of it. I'm a clothes horse and get 80 gagillion emails a day about designer clothing sales and look at certain styles and wonder if I'll ever be able to assume something will look good on me ever again. I have no plans on swapping my skinny jeans for mom jeans come November...but will I ever put on a bikini again? Not to mention the fact that it's incredibly hard to feel sexy when you have a cantaloupe (soon to be basketball) jabbing out of your abdomen. And I'm only going to get bigger.

The hubs is kind...tells me I'm beautiful and the like. Sometimes I totally believe him. Other times I feel weird and awkward even looking at myself in the mirror.

I guess only time will tell what will ultimately happen to my body. I certainly haven't been slowing my eating or trying to ignore my ravenous appetite. Just ask Dairy Queen. I think they know me by name. And I know that if I never allow myself into a bikini again, the Ninja will be more than worth it. But, I'm allowed to have moments where I feel like shit about my appearance, right?

And....scene.

I don't mean for this to be a pity party, nor am I seeking responses like "You're HOT!" or "You're a skinny beeetch who has no right to complain about your weight" etc etc. I just needed to vent this somewhere. Of course, comment as you wish.

Notes from a Wednesday.

1.) Fuck nausea. I've had it with this already. I know that I am supremely lucky to not actually be vomiting, but damn, this sucks.

The SeaBands are not doing the trick anymore. So, I am trying Meclizine, which is basically Dramamine. I do feel slightly better, and feel if I took one more (which is fine since you can take up to two in a day) I'd be feeling stellar - but they cause drowsiness. I am tired already due to growing another human. Now I'm a little more tired due to a sleepy medication. To take one more would be like saying "It's totally cool to pass out at your computer at work. Just rest your head on the spacebar and all will be well." Zzzzzz...

2.) We've suddenly scheduled a trip back home to see my grandmother this weekend. If you read my other blog, you'd know she's not doing well. She's been in the hospital since Monday, due to nausea and pain associated with her cancer. My aunt and uncle and a cousin are all flying home to be with her this weekend. It just seems like the right thing to do. What sucks is that I know she knows what this means. We just went through these same motions less than a year ago with my aunt. When everyone rushes home, it's not good.

On Monday I gave my mom the go-ahead to tell my grandma the good news about the baby. I was so worried about her passing before I could tell her - I just wanted her to know. I plan on bringing her a picture of her great-grandbaby when I come home. Maybe it'll help her pull through.

3.) The super sensitive sniffer is now in full force. I can smell BO in my workroom suddenly. This guy never stunk before, and now...VOMIT CITY.

4.) The BO smell and my nausea are causing me to forget that our first u/s is tomorrow! I need to focus on that.