Oh dear.

Uhm, so I had no idea hair loss was a side effect of the Mirena IUD.

I didn't know until I read one of my favorite bloggers most recent posts.

And then I found this site.

Pardon my french but I am FREAKING THE FUCK OUT.

This HAS to be from the IUD. I am honestly pulling a golfball size clump of hair out of the drain every day. My hair is one of the few things I really REALLY like about myself and now it's going away.

Points to be made:

• This thing was expensive to have placed and I've only had it for 2 months. Should I give it more time? Probably. That's more than likely what my midwife would say.
• Let's say I get it pulled. Yaz/Yazmin is out - caused depression. NFP/Charting/condoms are a pain in the rear and SCARE THE BEJEEZUS out of me. What then? A different pill? I suppose.

Hokay, that's all for now. I just had to post this because omgwhatamIgoingtodo?!?!

Someone have the phone number for Hair Club for Men?

No, seriously.

I cannot even believe how much hair I am losing. I read that this would happen. I also read that my hair would get thicker with pregnancy. IT DIDN'T.

I really shouldn't complain, my hair has always been pretty thick. I would always lose a bit every day in the shower, but I'm pulling out handfuls now. There are enough tresses in my drain catch to give Barbie a hair transplant. But what can I do? A big fat NOTHING.

Thankfully, even though showering feels like a scene in a horror movie, I'm not really noticing my hair being thinner. Yet. (And by typing said words, I probably just cursed myself.)

In other news, I had my abdomen ultrasound-ed yesterday. It was really weird. I mean, I was watching the tech show me all my organs on the screen and kept thinking that it was only like, 10 months ago that I saw my little girl on the screen for the first time.  I was waiting for him to find my liver and say "and there's the baby!" or something like that. ::shudder:: If I heard those words again so soon...gah. Speaking of horror movies...

Anyway - no word yet from the doctor. If I was a betting lady (which I am) I would say there were no stones in that ultrasound. Just a big ol' empty gallbladder. I wish the doc would just call me so I can find out.

Four more days until I go back to work...

How YOU doin?

Me? I'm okay. Had kind of a rough night of crampiness at 4am and mild anxiety due to said cramps. I'm already at wit's end with not knowing what's going on...whether any given cramps or pains might actually be labor or my body just being a jerk. I took a bath a little over an hour ago to ease the cramps, which helped...but now I'm back to being uncomfortable. While in the bath I started to get mad and upset about this whole situation. I'm upset with my body for not allowing me to enjoy what should be the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy. I'm mad that I've had to deal with contractions for nearly 4 months. I'm pissed that this bedrest is technically taking time away from my maternity leave after the baby is here. Having to worry about everything is what makes me most upset. I know that being calm and relaxed helps me to not have contractions and whatnot, but how can I be relaxed when I know what could be happening inside me?

::sigh::

Alright, time to get back to watching the Twins game I was supposed to be at with the hubs. He's there with one of his friends, which I insisted he do...because ONE of us should at least be there. (I will say, laying on the couch IS more comfy than the crappy plastic seats at the Dome, but my heart is breaking. Didn't know I was such a baseball fan, did you?)

I'll try not to let it get to me.

Comment from extremely nice coworker that I see every day who probably didn't understand how it came across to an overly hormonal pregnant lady:

Hey! You're finally starting to look pregnant, huh?

Uh...yeah. Actually, as far as I'm concerned, I've been looking pregnant for a long time. Maybe even a couple months. So...what happened yesterday or last week that suddenly I "look pregnant?"

Maybe it's because this child insists upon head-butting my cervix today and is causing me to walk funny? Maybe because I'm wearing a white shirt today and thus look like the side of a building? I guess I'll never know. But...thanks for noticing that I finally look pregnant. In a month when I'm forced to shuffle at 1 mph to the bathroom every 20 minutes, I wonder what it is I'll look like then.

[insert misc four-letter word here]

Okay, most everyone will tell you, that aside from a few tired days where I had a short fuse due to sleepiness, I've been fairly okay to deal with. No outbursts, no crying fits, no douchiness overall.

Yesterday, that came to a screeching halt.

My day overall was lame. It started with a large pile of cat vomit (crabby factor= 2). I worked, got sucked into projects that aren't mine (crabby factor=3), and luckily got to leave a little early so I could bring the Black Beauty (my trusty CR-V) in for an oil change. However, leaving early also meant being on the light rail with everyone that was at the Twins game. These aren't your average transit customers - these are idiots that don't know how to use mass transit times 1,540. All of us, crammed into a train, me protecting my tummy, standing next to a TOTAL booze hound. (Crabby factor now at a 5, trying to bring 'er back to a 1 since I'm done with work for the day.)

I get home only to encounter THREE MORE PILES OF CAT BARF. (Crabbies now to an 8.) I quickly clean them up and hop in my car only to deal with rush hour traffic. (Crabbies holding around a 9.) Oil change complete, I drive home hoping the hubs is back from the game. (He was lucky enough to skip out of work for the afternoon and go. And also drink all day.). And there's another pile of barf. And then another. That brings the barf total to SIX BARF CLEAN UPS. I'm at a full blown 10 on the crabby scale and the hubs is not home and not answering his phone. At this point, I'm screaming at the cats and any inanimate object that gets in my way. I'm near tears and cannot even attempt to calm myself down. We had planned on going to Lowes that evening to get another estimate for new doors for our house, and I was just not feeling it anymore. The hubs finally gets home, and I am SO MAD at this point that I'm thinking if I stabbed him, he probably wouldn't press charges and I would feel SO MUCH BETTER. So, instead of inflicting bodily harm on him, I decide to go to the store and buy bread. I came home, ate a sammich and ironed shirts just so I could be by myself...because I knew if I sat in the same room as the hubs I would just burst into tears. Later I went to bed and had bizzare dreams all night and woke up feeling as though I'd been hit by a bus.

Now. I know that I have been able to deal with these kinds of things before without allowing them to affect my mood. However, everything combined with clearly elevated hormones made me a mad woman yesterday. I feel bad for being crabby with the hubs, but I honestly couldn't help it, and part of me feels like he deserves to feel my wrath since he didn't have an infant using his cervix as a trampoline yesterday.

I'm less crabby today, but still feel like if there were another chain of events like yesterday I would more than likely grab the nearest object and bludgeon someone with it.

Deep breaths.

Lesson learned, and downward dog.

Today I decided to wear my beloved William Rast jeans (you will be mine, Justin Timberlake, oh yes, you will be mine) with a bella band, instead of the full panel jeans I've been wearing for a couple months now.

Biggest. Mistake. EVAH.

I am so uncomfortable and I look lumpy from having to have them unbuttoned. Not to mention, I can already tell that they fit differently. Those stretch marks on my thighs aren't just a pretty decoration - my thighs have indeed grown. Huhhhhh...

Anyway, on a lighter note - I signed up for a prenatal yoga class tonight. Hooray for exercise! I'm so excited. It's an hour and a half long, and I'll finally get to stretch out and be amongst other pregnant ladies. Here's hoping I can keep up and don't manage to hurt myself. I'll give a full report tomorrow.

And in other news - the belly pic from yesterday is up. Take a gander. I have gotten bigger in the last week. Ooooooo.

Good god: A lunch hour tale.

I ventured to Macy's over my lunch hour to attempt to find some new flip-flops. That was a pretty decent fail. However, I was annoyed numerous times before I even walked through the doors of Macy's - warning me that I should not be allowed in public today.

Annoyance #1: Do not plow your way into the elevator until you know the people on it have gotten off. There honestly is nothing more annoying. Wait THREE MEASLY SECONDS. It's not that hard. That way, you don't run into the pregnant lady trying to find comfortable shoes.

Annoyance #2: You're on your way to lunch, not doing a triathlon. Therefore, running me over with your tacky handbag and paperback is not necessary just because you need to get to Au Bon Pain to buy a $10 salad and sit on your polyester covered ass for an hour.

Annoyance #3: Makeup counter ladies. When needed, you are nothing short of helpful. When I'm walking by you with my hot mac & cheese, sweating and being a "I don't care about my appearance today" pregnant lady, now's not the time. Seriously.

First lady at the NARS counter: OMG! I love your glasses! Too cute!
Sweaty, hungry me: Thanks! I actually bought them here.
Second NARS lady: You could really use some "Babe" on your lips.
First NARS lady: OMG - yes - let's do a makeup trial!!!!!!
Me: (trying to remember what I look like today, and remembering I indeed look like shit and "Babe" will do nothing to save me)
Me: No thanks, gotta eat while it's still warm! (nervous, crabby laugh)

So, now I'm back at my desk, after having inhaled that mac & cheese in about 5 minutes. And I'm still starving.

On the other annoying note for the day (that I'll probably get hate mail for) - I've officially gained 10 pounds in this pregnancy. This is good, and all on schedule...but it's weird. I've just never weighed this much in my entire life. I'm glad I'm finally gaining weight like I should. I just need to scale back the "eat whatever the eff I want" plan and get more fruits & veggies in there so I don't put on another 10 in the next two weeks. :)

So this is what death's door looks like...

I tried adding the words "Put me out of my misery." to my tweet this morning, but I ran out of room.

But honestly, I feel that way. I REALLY felt like that while I was laying in bed last night, and only slightly feel that way today.

I am SO OVER being sick. If you're not a twitter follower of me, you may not have known that Monday afternoon, my cold (which was a month in already) decided to go ahead and START ALL OVER AGAIN...with the stuffy, snotty nose, coughing, sweats and everything else that is having a cold. I was thinking I was finally getting over it, even though the chest pain that started a little over a week ago hadn't subsided.

So, yesterday morning after my shower, I decided I officially was not going to work. I could barely move from the chest pain and was going through a kleenex every 3 minutes. Not to mention every earth shattering cough and sneeze was triggering the occasional braxton hicks.

Around 3pm when the hubs came home with the car, I took myself to Urgent Care. Got myself an x-ray (which I fully stressed myself with but feel better now) and exam - no pneumonia, no blood clot in the lung, possible bronchitis. I was given a Z-Pack and Tylenol w/Codine that I'm not so sure I want to take, even though it's safe.

Last night, I was fully doped up on antibiotics, Robitussin, and Sudafed. I felt better, but felt guilty about all I was putting this little bean through. I'm pretty sure all this kid knows are PB&Js, pickles, and the sound of momma's cough. And that makes me sad. When I finally went to bed, I felt so guilty and crappy and like a horrible fetus host that I almost started to cry. Luckily, I still had enough sense to realize that my Sudafed would be wearing off soon and any crying would only worsen the nasal issues I was having, so I convinced the waterworks to knock it off.

So here we are today. I'm at work, still feeling miserable (the Robitussin is on board so that's helping), but at least feeling the babe's kicks so I know it's not too crabby with me. Today, operation HEALTHY MOMMA begins. The hubs and I will kick it off with a grocery store trip this evening.

BFN, again.

My body is fucking with me.

Only twice in the past year have I made it past 11dpo without getting my period. TWICE.

And here I am, with no spotting or anything at 11dpo, and no sign of it coming.

At this point, I am welcoming my period. I have no inkling of hope this will result in a BFP.

I hate you, body. Thanks for toying with me.

Signed,

Crabby McCrabberton.

On a side note, I'm pretty sure the 2ww must have steps - like, hope, excitement, crabbiness, loss of hope, and eventual acceptance.

Glad to know that I've moved through all of them. Maybe I'm missing a few.

Maybe I shouldn't give up. Like I said in a few posts below, FF says I should be testing a week from tomorrow. But WTF is that? If my period is THAT late, and I still got a BFN I might dive off a cliff. Luckily for my loved ones, we'll be back from Mexico by then so it won't be so easy.

I'm not testing again until Wednesday. But I'm pretty convinced AF will be here before that. Besides, my temp went down today. That can't be good.

Le sigh.