Unexpected benefits of losing a kitty.

Ladies (and gentlemen? There's gotta be at least one male reader, right?) - I actually slept through the night last night.

Holy crap.

Granted, I did wake up a couple times, but fell right back asleep. The most important part is that I did not get up ONCE - not even to pee. It's a miracle.

Sadly, I think it can be attributed to the fact that Miles is now in kitty heaven, and not knocking shit down every 2 hours because he's hungry or bored or just wants to be an ass.

And thus, the story. If you cry easily or just lost a pet or just don't feel like being depressed, I wouldn't bother reading the rest of this post. But it feels good to get it out there, so...here it is.

I'll start by saying the hubs is like, my effing hero. He was so strong for me when I couldn't be.

When I got home from work, the hubs had Miles outside in the front and I walked up from the train and just lost it. He felt so bad...but it wasn't even just seeing Miles, I'd been holding it in all day. To make matters worse, Miles was seemingly fine when I got home. I mean, I knew he'd get cruddy again at some point, but he was having a good moment of no snot or sneezing or anything. Then I started having second thoughts and was feeling so guilty for even considering putting him down, but the hubs kept reminding me that he WAS really sick.

We got there and they put us in this "Grieving room" that was like, a nicer, private waiting room. Our vet came in to put a catheter in his arm and reassured me that I was making the right decision. Hearing a medical professional say it made me feel better too. So, she came back with him and discussed what they were going to do, and we decided to have him cremated. Then she said she was just going to do it in that room, and I was like - "I can't. I can't be here and watch it. I feel guilty and horrible enough as it is to have just agreed to let you put him down." The hubs said he would stay because he didn't want him to die without at least one of us. So, I started saying goodbye to him and was about to leave the room but started bawling so I had to stick around for a few more seconds while I got my shit together. Suddenly Miles had this HUGE fit of sneezing and the worst snot I've ever seen come out of his little skull. It made me laugh for some reason, because even though it was horrible, it was EXACTLY what I needed to see in order to be okay with what was about to happen. I tried to wipe his nose, but our vet said she'd take care of it so I could get myself back in line so I could leave and walk through the regular waiting room. Like it mattered, I had myself together when I left the room and as soon as my foot entered the normal waiting area I just lost it. (I had to carry his effing empty carrier out to the car with a bunch of strangers and their pets looking at me - THE WORST.) So I went to the car and hyperventilate-cried for about 8 minutes until the hubs came out and it was over. He was SO upset, but it made me feel better that I wasn't a freak for being so heartbroken. The hubs said that Miles was pretty chill, they gave him the sedative so he just kind of laid down and went to sleep, and the hubs was telling him we loved him, and then the vet said "he's gone" and the hubs didn't even notice that he'd stopped breathing. So...pretty peaceful.

**big sigh**

It's weird being in a one cat household. Boo is certainly soaking up the attention we're giving him. We both feel guilty at the same time, like Miles is somehow seeing the attention we're showering on Boo and getting jealous or something (we were always VERY equal in our attention and love we showed to the boys when they were in the same room).

Each day will get better, but I expect it to suck for a few weeks. I started crying again in the shower this morning...but shower cries are better than the "at my desk" cries I was having on Monday and Tuesday.

I'm really REALLY looking forward to heading to my parents house this weekend. Getting away will help, I think.

25 weeks

How far along? 25 weeks.
Total weight gain/loss: About +/-17 lbs.
Maternity clothes? Indeed.
Stretch marks? My worst news to report. Leftie (that would be my left boob) has been stretchie stricken. Is there no mercy?!
Sleep: A little better, but I wake up a lot and struggle to get comfortable. I'm also a portable heater when I sleep. :)
Best moment this week: Passing the 1hr Glucose!
Movement: Yep. Had a few decent flips too! Mother- & Sister-in-laws got to feel a few kicks this weekend.
Food cravings: Still sweets. Think a gallon of chewy sprees. Mmm...
Gender: Thinking girl.
Labor Signs: Still with the Braxton Hicks, but cervix checked and NO movement on the active labor front, thank GOD.
Belly Button in or out? Barely innie.
What I miss: I already miss my kittie Miles. (More on that below.)
What I am looking forward to: Seeing my mom & dad and dad's family this weekend! And getting the nursery painted. :)
Weekly Wisdom: I'm hard pressed to come up with anything this week.
Milestones: Passing the glucose, and nearly onto the 6th month!

Onto the sad news. We've decided that the time has come to put our kitteh Miles to sleep. He's been ill for a number of years with both pre-cancerous inflammatory bowel disease and inflammatory rhinitis, and after this past weekend, he's grown ill enough where we can't justify prolonging his life anymore. He's such a sweet boy and does not deserve this, but we don't see an alternative. We love him so much, and he is more than part of the family. He has been my best buddy for the past 8 years, and he will be sorely missed. We'll more than likely be making his final appointment at the vet tomorrow or the next.

We'll miss you, my sweet sweet boy.

The Fruit: 25-28 weeks.

Let your spouse put an ear to your belly -- he might be able to pick up baby's heartbeat (no stethoscope required). Inside the womb, the formation of tiny capillaries is giving baby a healthy pink glow. Baby's also soaking up your antibodies, getting the immune system ready for life outside the womb. Eyes are forming, and baby will soon perfect the blink -- perfect for batting those freshly grown lashes.

Survey says...

....NO gestational diabetes!

::cheering and applause::

However, a few less than desirable outcomes were had from this appointment.

1.) My gallbladder is acting up. What I thought was my body's reaction to too much sodium in soy sauce (mmm veggie rolls) was actually my gallbladder reacting to my avocado consumption. So, no more avocado for me, and no high fat foods. (Which is really fine, I wasn't really eating any anyway.)

2.) I have an effing yeast infection. GREAT. While she was checking my cervix (to make sure all these braxton hicks weren't doing anything) she did a quick check and low and behold. The DEVIL. Argh.

3.) My iron is low. Not SUPER low (10.5), but low enough for the lab tech to recommend iron supplements.

So yeah. That's the wrap up from my appointment. Everything else was looking great - baby's heartrate was at 150 and everything's measuring right on target.

Had a fun time at the cabin this weekend with the hub's parents - sun, fishing and relaxing. It was quite nice. Made coming back to work today totally suck. :)

That's all for now...I'll have my 25 (!!) week update later today or tomorrow. :)

24 weeks.

How far along? 24 weeks! (And some would say V-Day! (viability day))
Total weight gain/loss: About +/-15 lbs, depending on what time of day.
Maternity clothes? Yep. Although I've got a few shirts that still work for me.
Stretch marks? Still confined to the thighs...and purchased some Curel pregnancy lotion for the belleh and elsewhere in attempts to avoid them!
Sleep: SUCKS. See below. I screwed up my back royally last night, and actually shouted in pain while trying to get out of bed today.
Best moment this week: V-Day - and moving forward with work on the nursery.
Movement: YES.
Food cravings: Sweets, sweets, sweets. And cake. :)
Gender: Thinking girl.
Labor Signs: Still with the Braxton Hicks.
Belly Button in or out? Wider, flattening, but still innie (for the most part).
What I miss: Sleep. GOOD sleep.
What I am looking forward to: Cabin time this weekend!
Weekly Wisdom: Appreciate good sleep in the first trimester.
Milestones: V-DAY! And Glucose test/Midwife appt on Thursday.

Also - more nursery items on my flickr page!

Nightime resting periods (aka SLEEP)

It started happening last week...when I knew I wasn't comfortable while sleeping anymore. Last night was the proof that I've apparently officially reached that portion of pregnancy.

I was sleeping SO WELL. Now? I'm about 5 degrees warmer while sleeping than before, limbs are falling sleep, muscles are cramping, and there is NO position that is comfortable. I feel horrible because I feel like I'm keeping the hubs awake. I also feel horrible because I am SO EFFING TIRED ALL THE TIME NOW.

I'm hoping this is just a phase that will pass in the next few days...I'm traveling the next two weekends, which usually means disrupting my sleep patterns. I don't know how I can survive without sleep.

***

In other news, we attempted to pick up the nursery furniture that came in (the crib and dresser) yesterday. We pulled up with our CR-V's seats folded down, drove up to the loading doc, and just started laughing. It was painfully obvious that NONE of it was fitting in our car. It's kind of a blessing in disguise, because I really didn't want any of it in the room while I was painting (which will hopefully be happening soon)...and we can't pick it up for another 3 weeks since we're out of town the next two. Oh well. Not like we really need it yet anyway! I got a lot of spackling done this weekend, so signs of the chair rail are slowly fading away. (Yay!) I'll post a couple more progress pics with the belly pic later.

No good.

I woke up today earlier than I normally do. I'm hoping that's what I can blame today's crappy feeling on.

I'm lightheaded and kind of stuffy, and just overall SUPER tired. God help me if I'm coming down with something.

It dawned on me this morning that I've been failing to remember to take my vitamin every night. Gah. Not that this has anything to do with anything, but goes along with the general complaining I'm doing here. :)

And to make matters worse, I have to be up at 3am tomorrow morning to test a deploy at work. Hopefully this means I can just not go to work for the rest of the day after that's done. :( Weekend needs to be here NOW.

Funny you should mention it...

Today, Ms Morgan at the818.com touched on a subject that I was contemplating writing about today as well. So, I'll follow her lead.

It's no secret that I'm a relatively "skinny" girl. I've never been overweight, never felt all that self-conscious in a bikini or tight clothes or dresses, and generally have always had a pretty decent self-image. I've also never broken 130 pounds, thanks to an awesome metabolism (that was beginning to fail me as of late). Now that I'm carrying an extra 14 pounds (and weighing more than I ever have), I'm at least happy to say I really am all belly. I still look skinny from the back, and honestly haven't really gained anywhere else on my body. I've been told that I'm a "cute pregnant girl" more than a few times, which I appreciate.

However, in the past few days, I'm really kind of starting to freak about my new body. Don't get me wrong (standard disclaimer starts now) - I understand I'm gestating a human life and that with carrying an infant comes weight gain and body changes - but dammit, I don't have to be totally okay with all of it. I'm a clothes horse and get 80 gagillion emails a day about designer clothing sales and look at certain styles and wonder if I'll ever be able to assume something will look good on me ever again. I have no plans on swapping my skinny jeans for mom jeans come November...but will I ever put on a bikini again? Not to mention the fact that it's incredibly hard to feel sexy when you have a cantaloupe (soon to be basketball) jabbing out of your abdomen. And I'm only going to get bigger.

The hubs is kind...tells me I'm beautiful and the like. Sometimes I totally believe him. Other times I feel weird and awkward even looking at myself in the mirror.

I guess only time will tell what will ultimately happen to my body. I certainly haven't been slowing my eating or trying to ignore my ravenous appetite. Just ask Dairy Queen. I think they know me by name. And I know that if I never allow myself into a bikini again, the Ninja will be more than worth it. But, I'm allowed to have moments where I feel like shit about my appearance, right?

And....scene.

I don't mean for this to be a pity party, nor am I seeking responses like "You're HOT!" or "You're a skinny beeetch who has no right to complain about your weight" etc etc. I just needed to vent this somewhere. Of course, comment as you wish.

23 weeks.

How far along? 23 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: About +/-13 lbs.
Maternity clothes? Indeed. I just had a couple dresses shortened and can't wait to wear them!
Stretch marks? Thigh stretchies worsening by the day. But applying liberal lotion in hopes of avoiding others.
Sleep: Just bought yet another pillow - the belly wedge style which is helping my back and belly.
Best moment this week: Getting the baby's room cleared and tearing the effing chair rail down!
Movement: More and more every day.
Food cravings: Chocolate shakes and chocolate milk. And more sugar.
Gender: Thinking girl this week.
Labor Signs: Occasional BH.
Belly Button in or out? Painful. And still mostly innie.
What I miss: WINE. But I ordered FreWine - so we'll see if I can take care of that craving.
What I am looking forward to: Continuing work on the baby's room!
Weekly Wisdom: Lots of stairs at a ballgame + pregnant bladder = huffing and puffing.
Milestones: None really for this week. Sorry.

Also - for a nursery update and pics of the new guest room - visit my flickr page!

I'm a lying liar.

Yes - as my lovely friend Shannon pointed out...my 22 week picture is still MIA. And you won't be getting one, because of my various mini and mega meltdowns last week. :)

Anyway, I promise to take a 23 week photo tonight, as well as begin the "before" photos of the house, since we FINALLY got the nursery (formerly the guest room) moved into the attic last night. We also went to Home Depot and ordered the new doors for the house to be installed in the next 2-3 weeks. Eeee! Things are finally happening! The attic still needs to be cleaned a bit (not to mention it's about a fafillion degrees up there) but it will be done soon, and will be much more tolerable in the fall when the bebeh comes. (So, Mom...it will be more comfortable when you come to stay with us!) The next step is picking out a paint color for the nursery. I've already got a few picked out - but need to check them against the swatch of the glider we picked out. And at some point...I'm taking the nasty chair rail down. Just wait till you see the pictures. It's no good.

Other than that - we went to the Twins game on Saturday and had AWESOME seats behind the Twins dugout, and I even went out to a bar for a bit afterwards! (A big feat for me to not be in bed by 11!)

And tonight, I'm making tacos and we're watching the Home Run Derby and my other husband, Joe Mauer, who will hopefully hit a few homers.

[insert misc four-letter word here]

Okay, most everyone will tell you, that aside from a few tired days where I had a short fuse due to sleepiness, I've been fairly okay to deal with. No outbursts, no crying fits, no douchiness overall.

Yesterday, that came to a screeching halt.

My day overall was lame. It started with a large pile of cat vomit (crabby factor= 2). I worked, got sucked into projects that aren't mine (crabby factor=3), and luckily got to leave a little early so I could bring the Black Beauty (my trusty CR-V) in for an oil change. However, leaving early also meant being on the light rail with everyone that was at the Twins game. These aren't your average transit customers - these are idiots that don't know how to use mass transit times 1,540. All of us, crammed into a train, me protecting my tummy, standing next to a TOTAL booze hound. (Crabby factor now at a 5, trying to bring 'er back to a 1 since I'm done with work for the day.)

I get home only to encounter THREE MORE PILES OF CAT BARF. (Crabbies now to an 8.) I quickly clean them up and hop in my car only to deal with rush hour traffic. (Crabbies holding around a 9.) Oil change complete, I drive home hoping the hubs is back from the game. (He was lucky enough to skip out of work for the afternoon and go. And also drink all day.). And there's another pile of barf. And then another. That brings the barf total to SIX BARF CLEAN UPS. I'm at a full blown 10 on the crabby scale and the hubs is not home and not answering his phone. At this point, I'm screaming at the cats and any inanimate object that gets in my way. I'm near tears and cannot even attempt to calm myself down. We had planned on going to Lowes that evening to get another estimate for new doors for our house, and I was just not feeling it anymore. The hubs finally gets home, and I am SO MAD at this point that I'm thinking if I stabbed him, he probably wouldn't press charges and I would feel SO MUCH BETTER. So, instead of inflicting bodily harm on him, I decide to go to the store and buy bread. I came home, ate a sammich and ironed shirts just so I could be by myself...because I knew if I sat in the same room as the hubs I would just burst into tears. Later I went to bed and had bizzare dreams all night and woke up feeling as though I'd been hit by a bus.

Now. I know that I have been able to deal with these kinds of things before without allowing them to affect my mood. However, everything combined with clearly elevated hormones made me a mad woman yesterday. I feel bad for being crabby with the hubs, but I honestly couldn't help it, and part of me feels like he deserves to feel my wrath since he didn't have an infant using his cervix as a trampoline yesterday.

I'm less crabby today, but still feel like if there were another chain of events like yesterday I would more than likely grab the nearest object and bludgeon someone with it.

Deep breaths.

22 weeks.

How far along? 22 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: About +/-10 lbs.
Maternity clothes? Yes. And I just ordered a couple of sweatshirts from Old Navy so I can be warm at the cabin in a few weeks. :)
Stretch marks? Thigh ones aren't getting better. Maybe worse. Ugh.
Sleep: Sleeping well, but pretty tired at night.
Best moment this week: The hubs getting kicked in the face by the ninja.
Movement: Werd.
Food cravings: Sugar. And lots of it.
Gender: I'm totally on the fence this week.
Labor Signs: Occasional BH.
Belly Button in or out? Flattening by the day.
What I miss: Not sweating in inappropriate places all the time. (Hello 24/7 boob sweat!)
What I am looking forward to: Twins game on Sunday. KILL THE WHITE SOX!
Weekly Wisdom: I got nothin' this week.
Milestones: The face kick was pretty sweet.

The Fruit: 22-24 weeks.

Watch what you say -- baby is now able to hear outside noise from down in the womb. Studies show that baby finds gentle music and your own voice most soothing. Nipples are starting to sprout, and that little face is fully formed. And, baby's starting to settle into sleep cycles, snoozing about 12 to 14 hours a day. It shouldn't be hard to figure out when -- just pay attention to those kicks as they start and stop.

Also, an FYI, as you may have noticed - the fruit doesn't change again until week 25...so if you need a refresher - just come back here!

Patriotic recap.

This weekend flew by more quickly than I would have liked, and it's amplified by the fact that the hubs has the day off today, where I am firmly planted in my seat at work. Boo. (AND it's a gorgeous day to boot.)

At any rate, we spent most of the weekend preparing for our 4th of July party - cleaning, grocery shopping, tending to the yard. Thursday night was The Roots at First Avenue, totally awesome. I went home afterwards, and the hubs stayed out. I was fine with that - he even got home around midnight. :)

Friday was cleaning and prep day. Saturday I woke up a little later than I would have liked and started making WAY too much food. We had everything ready to go, and by the time most of our guests arrived, it started to pour. So, a couple hours of the BBQ were spent indoors, watching the Twins game...which was fine. It eventually cleared and we all headed back outside with towels and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon. In the evening, we drove to St. Paul to see Elvis Costello and some excellent fireworks. I learned that I cannot walk long distances because my back and knees are now those of an 80 year old. We got home, and I pretty much fell asleep while the hubs and a few of his buddies stayed up until the sun came up. Yesterday was clean up and lounge day, which was desparately needed.

Overall, it was quite a fun weekend. I got nothing accomplished in the baby area, but the hubs and I have decided to move the guest bed upstairs some day this week to get the ball rolling. I expect the crib and combo will be here sometime in the next two weeks, and the glider to be here in the next month...I just cannot wait to get it set up! But first...painting...hmmm....

And this concludes the most rambling blog entry to date. Thank you.

LOVES.

From lets-panic.com

This Week's Visualization



Imagine that's your child. Now imagine that balloon is your sanity. There it goes!

Apparently prenatal = bikram.

Okay, maybe not really, but it honestly felt like it.

In all seriousness though, I REALLY enjoyed my yoga class last night. It was pretty crowded (thanks to the holiday weekend) and thus got to be about eleventy billion degrees in the room, but it felt awesome. Probably mostly due to the fact that I haven't "exercised" for a long, long time. I was pretty flexible (thanks pregnancy!) but my balance sucked and my muscles weren't ready. And I think all the movement pretty much lulled the ninja to sleep.

I commented to the hubs that after I was done with class, I almost felt as if I'd just gotten a massage. I was so relaxed, and my muscles felt really good!

Needless to say, I bought a 5-class pass and have signed up for the next 4 weeks - every Wednesday night. Time to buy maternity yoga clothes, and maybe my own mat.

Lesson learned, and downward dog.

Today I decided to wear my beloved William Rast jeans (you will be mine, Justin Timberlake, oh yes, you will be mine) with a bella band, instead of the full panel jeans I've been wearing for a couple months now.

Biggest. Mistake. EVAH.

I am so uncomfortable and I look lumpy from having to have them unbuttoned. Not to mention, I can already tell that they fit differently. Those stretch marks on my thighs aren't just a pretty decoration - my thighs have indeed grown. Huhhhhh...

Anyway, on a lighter note - I signed up for a prenatal yoga class tonight. Hooray for exercise! I'm so excited. It's an hour and a half long, and I'll finally get to stretch out and be amongst other pregnant ladies. Here's hoping I can keep up and don't manage to hurt myself. I'll give a full report tomorrow.

And in other news - the belly pic from yesterday is up. Take a gander. I have gotten bigger in the last week. Ooooooo.