Today, Ms Morgan at the818.com touched on a subject that I was contemplating writing about today as well. So, I'll follow her lead.
It's no secret that I'm a relatively "skinny" girl. I've never been overweight, never felt all that self-conscious in a bikini or tight clothes or dresses, and generally have always had a pretty decent self-image. I've also never broken 130 pounds, thanks to an awesome metabolism (that was beginning to fail me as of late). Now that I'm carrying an extra 14 pounds (and weighing more than I ever have), I'm at least happy to say I really am all belly. I still look skinny from the back, and honestly haven't really gained anywhere else on my body. I've been told that I'm a "cute pregnant girl" more than a few times, which I appreciate.
However, in the past few days, I'm really kind of starting to freak about my new body. Don't get me wrong (standard disclaimer starts now) - I understand I'm gestating a human life and that with carrying an infant comes weight gain and body changes - but dammit, I don't have to be totally okay with all of it. I'm a clothes horse and get 80 gagillion emails a day about designer clothing sales and look at certain styles and wonder if I'll ever be able to assume something will look good on me ever again. I have no plans on swapping my skinny jeans for mom jeans come November...but will I ever put on a bikini again? Not to mention the fact that it's incredibly hard to feel sexy when you have a cantaloupe (soon to be basketball) jabbing out of your abdomen. And I'm only going to get bigger.
The hubs is kind...tells me I'm beautiful and the like. Sometimes I totally believe him. Other times I feel weird and awkward even looking at myself in the mirror.
I guess only time will tell what will ultimately happen to my body. I certainly haven't been slowing my eating or trying to ignore my ravenous appetite. Just ask Dairy Queen. I think they know me by name. And I know that if I never allow myself into a bikini again, the Ninja will be more than worth it. But, I'm allowed to have moments where I feel like shit about my appearance, right?
I don't mean for this to be a pity party, nor am I seeking responses like "You're HOT!" or "You're a skinny beeetch who has no right to complain about your weight" etc etc. I just needed to vent this somewhere. Of course, comment as you wish.
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