Today is the beginning of the end...

...of my maternity leave.

Tomorrow, I go back to work.

Abby has been extra smiley today, which helps and hurts at the same time. She even gave me her first REAL GIGGLE! I tried so hard to get her to do it again but no. She's also mastering squishing things between her fists to "pick them up."

How do I feel about going back to the land of adult conversation? I'm actually really excited to go back. I can't wait to get my mushy brain back to working order, to wear real clothes and makeup everyday. To eat and pee and use a computer* without interruption.

But not being able to pick up and snuggle my little girl whenever I want breaks my heart. I know she's going to start doing a lot more in the coming weeks and I can't even think about missing her firsts.

Josh and I are in a position with his job where, if I REALLY REALLY wanted to, I could stay home. But when it really comes down to it...I don't want to. I like my job. I like my career. I like making my own money.  I am so thankful that between my job and Josh's, we really only need 3 days of childcare, and his parents are able to take care of her for those three days. It's a really hard decision, but I know it's the best.

Next up - the gallbladder. The u/s came back normal, lab tests normal. Next the doc wants me to do what's called a HIDA scan to see if maybe my gallbladder just isn't working. Needless to say, Vincent isn't coming out any time soon.

And the hair loss. I'm going to take a few deep breaths and write the current hair loss up to post-pregnancy hormones, but if I am still losing this much in a couple months (if there's anything left to lose by then) I'm going to talk to my doc. I guess the time between 3-4 months PP results in the most hair loss. Until then I will gulp back the tears as I clear out my tub drain.

*This post was interrupted by a whiny baby who apparently needed a burp, because she spit up all over herself and her bouncy chair. Cleanup of both baby and chair was followed by an awesome Abby nap  in the glider. Messy dining room and dirty dishes can wait when Abby falls asleep on Momma. Especially on her last day before going...back...to...work.....WAH!